By the Option
My Dads Coffee
Everybody seems to be into coffee these days. It annoys me, because it’s like it’s a trendy Hipster thing now. I’ve been drinking coffee my whole life. My dad would give me coffee every morning, before dropping me off at the Kindergarten bus stop. I would have my thermos full of inspiration hanging with my friend Tony, who would be smoking a Tarrington 100, while the rest of the pack, was in the front pocket of Tony’s Sears Tough Skin jeans. The jeans were called tough skins, and they were held up with a belt. Your underpants didn’t show, if they did show you where rightfully laughed at. The only quasi acceptable reasons your underpants could show where the following, you were a little slow or you were struck by a car while riding your bike and the Paramedics were working on you. My Dad made great coffee. My Dad Liked his coffee liked he liked his women, Dark and Full bodied, like a Goth Rosie O’Donnell eating a feathered Raven. Coffee that was Strong and bold, the exact opposite of the Antifa Males. My Dads coffee was thicker than a professional Twerker. My Dads coffee would put these trendy coffee shop dwellers in the hospital. The Soy Sippers would have their girlfriends stolen away by a Cup of My Dads coffee. What I’m saying here is, after one sip of my Dads coffee the chicks would fall in love with its strength a rather date the actual cup of coffee than their current Soy boyfriends. I truly believe these Knuckleheads would lose their chicks to a cup of My Dads F-ing coffee. Full disclosure, I still love coffee and If I’m out, I may have my wife, the lovely Cher-Nobyl, I call her that because she is HOT and Deadly, run into the Starbucks and pick me up a cup of the old SJW Juice, hold the almond milk. I don’t go in, because I don’t want my friends to see in there. I feel much the same way about being seen in a Smart Car or a Mazda Miata.
Look, as time goes on and you guys get to know me, it may seem that I pick on C.S.D.C. The Coffee Shop Dweller Crowd an awful lot. well, maybe I do, but I do it with love and hope in my heart. I want to bring them into the tent of awareness and give them some wisdom. Truth be told, the group born between the Mid- Nineteen Nineties and the Mid Two Thousands have a lot to offer society. They are bright and very technologically savvy people; their problem is they have been psychologically weakened over time by the culture around them. The culture and society haven’t done them any favors. I’ve learned one important thing over my years that is universally true to everyone. Bad things are coming for us. Whether it be sadness, hard times sickness, death, its coming to all of us sooner or later, in varying degrees or ways. If you live your life and embrace it, live for others and not just yourself, tragedy and sadness is coming sooner or later. Many of us know this already. No matter if it’s just the living of life or you’re forced to defend yourself against some evil lurking around the corner, you have to be mentally tough. If not, you not are going to make it through. The head in the sand is not going to work my Homies, I’m sorry. If your offended by songs, movies, Toxic masculinity (whatever that is), cursing, etc. These maybe signs you have to toughen up a little. Here is a Tactical Rudeness lesson right here. Write this down- Nobody Cares That YOU Are OFFENDED. There no charge for that Life Coach Lesson. Hear this Dwellers! we need you under the Awareness Tent, with all our differences we can still work together to protect ourselves and communities against the Bad Guys that are out there. That’s what we also have in common, the bad guys out there, are ready to prey on all of us. That my Homies is where all the good decent people merge onto the same road. See commonality, the good win by looking out for each other. Let’s look for things we can agree on, build a foundation on that and work out the other stuff as we move forward. Let’s look at the many contributions the Dweller Crowd has made to our society already and find more commonality, for instance, here are a few. Lumberjack style beards on guys who have to pay someone to Blow leaves off their four by eight patch of condo front lawn(helping the economy), Skinny jeans being worn by men.( have to say, they would sure keep an in the waist band holster in place), Man buns. I got nothing, Safe spaces, where else can full- grown adults, go and use crayons and coloring books when they get upset( But, you add a steel door and heavy door frame ,now you have a safe room/safe space), See with a little compromise I’m bringing us together. How about Chai Tea and Coffee with whipped cream and sprinkles, Tofu pizza, soy ice cream, kale non-dairy milkshakes, Cinnamon swirl, hot pepper and pineapple beer, with kiwi and mandarin orange garnish. I know what you are saying, a lot of shit sucks, and you would be right, but, they are contributions to society and there were some positives to a few. For the love of F—K, I’m trying here. The important thing is we keep trying to find things that bring us good all together, we have are differences, but we all want to be safe and be capable of protecting ourselves and loved ones, so lets work together.
So that’s my plan, my journey in all this, bust the Dweller crowd’s balls, but know they mostly good hearted people, just like the crew I run with. We just have our shit together. See I can’t help myself, if it makes you feel any better I bust my friends and loved ones balls also, but I do it because I love them, and I do it with love and admiration in my heart. And, They bust mine right back. Its fun and we laugh and it brings us together. That’s always my plan, trust me, it always works. I also have to except that things are just different now. I was in a coffee shop the other day doing some writing and watching Fox News on my laptop. I was approached by some salted caramel and lavender coffee drinking Dweller who looked at my computer, and said in a whiney judgmental voice, “Why do you watch that? Did your parents drop you as a child?” Yes, I answered, they did drop me when I was a baby, over and over, Head first into a pool of Awesomeness and Badassery, and coffee. While you my Dweller friend, it appears you stumbled into a puddle of soy milk and Punkman tears, so move on. Dweller boy had nothing to say, he just ran straight for the coloring books.